"So, [We] Gotta Stay On": Jazmine Sullivan

When I saw Jazmine Sullivan's title and artwork for her most recent cd, I did not understand what she was doing. In fact, I was a little scared because I did not want her to make a reality television (TV) show. It was more of my fear of the scrutiny she would receive as another Black woman trying to make it by doing a reality TV show. However, I thought too deep. I found out sooner rather than later that “Reality Show” was Sullivan’s cd title.

But, I still wondered why?

Soon enough I heard her speak of her domestic abuse in her previous relationship. Afterwards, I thought that, maybe, Sullivan is trying to be real with herself and the world. Isn’t that what reality shows are about? Sullivan’s answer came in her interview with Billboard in early 2015,

For the most part ... whatever you have that's not quite right, you don't want anybody to know,’ Sullivan explains. ‘I'm fascinated with the fact that people kind of put it all out there. This act of airing dirty laundry is looked down upon on screen, but when someone with a guitar does the same thing, it's usually praised as personal, confessional songwriting. (Billboard.com)

I listened to songs like "Forever Don’t Last" and "Let it Burn" on Reality Show. Both are very beautiful and soulful. They can also help a woman love herself again. Although I enjoyed those two songs and many more, I loved Mascara. The song Mascara made me realize the relation between her cd title, Reality Show, and actual reality television shows like Love and Hip.

In "Mascara", Sullivan takes on the Instagram model persona (which most of the time, I have seen, are Black women) and tells everyone else that it is not her fault that she looks this great. Sullivan also reveals in this song how much money matters; by gaining "free" millions, trips, and gold watches the IG model becomes more powerful. By “free”, I really mean it ain’t free. Black women in shows like Love and Hip Hop are scrutinized for thinking and aspiring to live like this. Although it may seem like Sullivan is being simple, her song seems to be about a deeper story.

For me, "Mascara" tells a complex story of being a Bad Black woman. Sullivan is being real and raw while singing this song, yet there seems to be a questioning tone to it as well. Sullivan is saying, ‘Yes, this and that are fake, but so what?’, while her tone is asking why should we have to do this? One thing that is taken very seriously in the Black community is respectability. Some of us do not want to be seen as anything other than well dressed and well mannered. Black women, or women of the African diaspora shaking their behinds, telling about their cheating husbands, or even mentioning domestic abuse at the hands of a Black man are not a part of what is deemed respectable. It also may seem like betrayal to what our “respectable” heroes tried to build.

Being Black and being a woman ain't easy. In the words of Lady in Yellow from Ntozake Shange's choreopoem, For Colored Girls Who have Considered Suicide/ When the Rainbow is Enuf, she expresses that "bein alive & bein a woman & bein colored is a metaphysical dilemma/ i havent conquered yet" (Shange 59). Black women deal with double vulnerability. We can be attacked from all sides; we can be attacked verbally, mentally, and/or physically in the house and outside of the house. If we tried to cry victim, most would show us that they do not care about our trauma. Therefore we cannot just be. We always have to think ahead, think smarter, and do more in order to not become a victim.

Sullivan’s IG model persona is that, she is tough because she had to put up a wall to not feel bad about trying to support herself. Similarly to Sullivan’s IG model persona, the women of Love and Hip-Hop: Atlanta's stories are authentic (well, they used to be), and they live within this double vulnerability. The reality is that sometimes we have to put on Mascara and act tough, whether we want to or not. Is it the best way to live? I am not sure.

But, we do have to realize that sometimes putting on Mascara and using our naturally voluptuous bodies are a way to pay the bills when coming from the hood. Whether you agree with it or not, you should not demean a part of some Black women’s experience.

Jazmine Sullivan is a hidden treasure to Black soul music. Soul music makes you feel, it makes you cry, and it makes you think (as does all Black music). She is complexity. She goes from righteous anger to overcoming hell in order to find her own peace. This is all seen in her music, and I can feel it.

I know that plenty of Black women can feel it. Sullivan, like her IG model persona and the Black women of Love and Hip-Hop are allowed to be vulnerable. Yes, that vulnerability may seem "bad" to you when we, Black women, are telling our truth and doing our best to play with the cards we were dealt. Nevertheless, it is necessary. We cannot keep hiding our pain, our joys, or our stories. So, let us be.

“I had been through a lot and I don’t need to just sit on the stuff that I’ve been through’ Sullivan says. ‘I just felt like I had a story to share.” (Billboard.com)