The Carefree Black Girl
What comes to mind when you think of a carefree Black girl? What does this carefree Black girl look like? For me, I struggle with how I fit the definition of what I usually see as a carefree Black girl. Despite what I dreamed my carefree Black girlness to look like- sun glistening on my dark skin while I relax on the many beaches I travel to every summer, shutting everything down with my Black girl squad, and SUPER confident in how I look-my heart, mind, and body would not let me be that. This reality set in when I shared my #BlackGirlMagic piece with a person whom I dearly trust.
After reading my piece she says something that went like this, “I think you are not enjoying life. I see it in your eyes. Something is holding you back. You are young, and have no kids. Go out there and enjoy life!”
When I graduated from Mount Holyoke, I promised that I would not force myself into uncomfortable spaces anymore. I also promised that I would not force friendships that are not helping me grow. The reality is that I let go of any pain I felt, my confidence is building little by little each day, and the sun glistens on my dark skin daily. Therefore, I have to ask, “What was she really seeing?”
As I listened to the “The Read” a couple days ago, a podcast by Crissles and Kid Fury, my question was answered. For a section of each of their podcast shows, Crissles and Fury respond to letters that their listener’s send in. One of the letters expressed how much this listener is an extrovert, and how that may cause problems with her introverted friends. As Crissles and Fury expressed their opinions, I realized that there are people just like me!
I spent most of my life trying so hard to become that one image of a carefree Black girl. Most likely when I shared my #BlackGirlMagic piece, this person also saw that one type of image that is known as the carefree Black Girl. However, what she and I took as the meaning of “enjoying” or being “carefree,” was everything I was not. I am so proud to say that: I am a Black girl who is an introvert.
I can go out every once in a while, but I am okay with being alone. I can heal better when I am alone. I can think well when I am alone. I do not feel anxiety when I am alone. It’s just who I am.
My carefree Black girlness goes as far as dancing alone in my room late at night when I know I should be asleep. My carefreeness goes as far as finding genuine happiness when I hang out with my family, even though they can get on my nerves. My carefreeness goes as far as Netflix and chillin’ by myself, and reading a book. It goes as far as being content with just going out to eat on my birthday.
This is for my Black girls who feel like they are not fitting what we usually see as carefree Black girlness. I like to believe that “enjoying life” or being a “carefree Black girl,” means finding God within yourself. When you find the God within yourself then your soul becomes joyous, and that joy and peace exudes from you. This is not to say that you will not experience a range of emotions when you have bad days, but IT IS blocking anyone or anything trying to steal your joy.
I believe I had to experience the lowest of the lows such as in my #BlackGirlMagic piece in order to understand what it feels to be at my highest of highs. Those highest of highs include finding peace, identity, wisdom, and self-love. They are all still a work in progress, but I know I got them. You do too. Some Black Girls just exude the God within themselves differently, and that is great!
No matter what people say, do yo’ thang, okay? If nobody else seems to understand you, I do.
Photo from: Carefree Black Girl Tips Tumblr.